is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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