Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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