But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
