You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize