sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
