I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
