If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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