My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
