he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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