I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
