in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
