You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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