I'm lost and stupid without you.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
