I think my vagina is haunted
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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