PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize