it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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