I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
