I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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