I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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