so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
