why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you traded sex for a burrito?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
