I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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