I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
