Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
