Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
