i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
