I think i sorta joined a cult last night
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
