My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
