he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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