Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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