he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
