I want to walk on stilts...naked
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize