Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
