Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
