All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
