btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
