last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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