I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
