instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
