yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
