How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
