Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
