Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
