i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
