Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I want a musical about memes.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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