Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
