She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
