after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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