I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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