Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
