Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
