Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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