This is not my ceiling
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
