white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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