even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I wish there were birth control emojis
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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