in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
