so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
