I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize