Swine flu. Run for my life!
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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