everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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