Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
