I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
then he tried to convert me to islam
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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