I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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