I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
