She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
True strength comes from lack of pants
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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