New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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