You're completely useless in the revolution.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I have tasted many bathrooms
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