i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
