I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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