I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I need to calm my uterus...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
