At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Just cropdusted the office
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize