the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
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