wanna go halves on a baby?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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