matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
