he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
where are you?
Hypothermia
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
