I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
