He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize