your room smells of hookers.
And success
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
