I'm drive I can fine osifer
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize