Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just google imaged poop.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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