Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
