Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
