i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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