im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
handjob tips. give me some.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
