3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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