i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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