There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
