Have you finally orgasmed yet?
look no pants
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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