Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
