My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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