Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I believe in your delicious
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize