every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize