I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
