You made me cry and you don't even care
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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