No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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