Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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