Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
