she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
false alarm, still single
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
