is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
