shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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