she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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