I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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